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WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GOES?
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It is heartbreaking to write on a phenomenon that I find both bizarre and altogether mysterious. But I couldn’t help wondering why and how it happens. It is easy to regard with contempt or even condemn people doing crazy things, fusing in desperation or becoming retreatists of the society, this is what we learnt to label psychotics and neurotics, like people walking half naked, puffing their lives into world of hallucinations with drugs or even committing suicide. It gives me nightmares like I saw it coming but did nothing. When it all started we the society turned against the guy like a plague and watched in indolent silence gaped like our mouths saw well than the eyes. My friend took his own life, oh yah! Committed suicide, so young to die! Could we have done something to avoid this? Or did we desert him when he reached out for us and needed us most.

Love and affection! It is necessity of life, that what we never understood he needed. Because everyone needs a meaningful contact or connection with others. It is through interpersonal relationship that we reach out for others in an attempt to meet each others social life and support through the many curves of life. The need for contact and inclusion is so evident that currently there are more than 10,000 social websites including facebook, TIG, tagged, friendster you name them. With the globalization the mobile technologies, internet and media the interpersonal relationship have gone to a new level, almost heading to an autistic society where the technologies is overtaking face to face relationships.

The inclusion has all to do with the varying degree by which we need to establish and maintain a feeling of mutual interest with other people. We want others to pay attention to us, take time to understand us and be considered normal like others people. Have you ever experienced how it feels to be invited last in a team? Or been ignored in a friends group and conversations? The feeling of rejection critically demoralize our perception of who we are or the self concept. To have a false consciousness that one is unlovable and unfitting leads to personality inferiority complex. That why people will do crazy things just to prove that they are not zombies and that they need attention too, like getting into drugs, aggression or even anti social behaviors, clothing and styles. These are just a few of attention seeking behaviors. The unsatisfying interpersonal relationship leads to loneliness and then depression.

Every human needs to establish and maintain a satisfactory influence and power in any relationship, when the control need is unmet then we feels like the other person doesn’t respect or value our abilities, that they perceive us to be incompetent. And then there is affection, this involves a need to give or receive love and experience emotional close contact. Less than that one feels unlovable and that people avoid us, however if there is a pleasant experience of affection especially during childhood attachment which influences positively the future approach of decision making, self concept and relationship, then it is easy to handle relationship and recognize that not everyone one meet will necessarily care for him/her the same way as others.

Everyone experiences emotions though it varies with it pleasantness or unpleasantness. Chronic intense emotional if not addressed leads to severe psychological disorders e.g frequent episodes of stress leads to depression and uncontrolled anger is mostly deviated to innocent victims “the last straw syndrome”. Our feelings affects relationships for good or worse, only when direct attention is paid to the same are we able to commit ourselves, have courage and skills to express the pleasant or unpleasant feelings that when a healthy relationship is achieved.

By reaching out for someone, having an effective communication, expressing empathic understand and giving support and courage, we enhance the essence of life i.e. love. So next time someone tries to reach out for you, take time to listen and extend a helping hand. You might be breaking someone’s self rejection cycle and probably that is the blueprint for helping the psycho-social products system we label and stigmatize as insane. For sure they lives among us, this people are us.

August 30, 2008 | 1:02 PM Comments  1 comments

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